My mantras:
Life is too short to be miserable.
I look for a tiny dot of happiness in life.
Living with a chronic illness is challenging, and there have been times when I have had to dig deep and find strength within myself.
Life is always full of surprises; each day brings something new that can arise out of nowhere. It happened to me when my doctor informed me I had Hyperthyroidism. Did I anticipate having more energy then? No, I experienced being exhausted, lethargic, and lifeless. That was my day-to-day reality. When my doctor told me this, I blamed my lack of sleep and fatigue on my job and other aspects of my life. I made all sorts of excuses and placed the blame on all of the “WHY” in life.
Facing the need to be done was the first step. Once I went through all the testing, I discovered the biggest surprise: I had Thyroid Cancer. This was why my thyroid was acting up. Being in my early 30s, this was a marked life-changing event. I did everything I had to do: another neck surgery and chemo-radiation treatment. I went through 12 months of treatment, mainly radiation. For 3 years, I had to carry a radiation card because all store, airport detectors, or scanners would sometimes go off when I passed through them. It was embarrassing when they stopped you; they thought you were stealing.
The reality, however, also starts to affect my mental state. I didn’t realize how much my personality had changed when I went through this. At first, the specks of negativity started to creep in. “What if?” or “Will I be able to get through this?” In my experience was that I started slowly going down a rabbit hole; it was so huge and deep that I thought I would stop living.
Pulling myself away was a struggle. I didn’t seek medical intervention then, but if needed, it was not far from my thoughts. I must know myself and my state of mind to understand myself in this situation.
Since then, I have known what I want in life and what I need to enjoy the ‘NOW’ moment. I seek positive changes that have had a positive effect on my life. I am now living with a deeper understanding of myself and my body. Whatever news comes my way, I will face it as a challenge and use it as an opportunity for new learning. My living and enjoyment do not end here.
